i can do anything... anytime.. anywhere... " can live anyway " was my way of life.. unconditional way of living it was... never knew wat i was doin.. i never realised i was livin my mind's way.. drinkin and partyin... spendin lavishly... i never had any respect for money anytime. then for a while i thought no.. i gotta live this way or the other... i got to take some serious decisions.. it was such a critical period in my life.. and when i decided a way i was so absorbed in it tat i totally forgot my ways.. it was as if i forgot how to smile.. i u used to drink so tat i get sleep.. every man and woman hav their own difficulties in life.. so its not important tat i mention mine.. if u are so stressed in any way u can relate this to urself... can u imagine a champagne bottled well shaken and ready to explode yet corked... tat was my situation... full of lovely emotions.. unable to express.. i was at the peak of negativity...
deep down im aint so pathetic.. my heart s full of love.. a fun loving guy.. i used to make peopl laugh.. i love seein peopl laugh.. i make wierd noises.. make a bafoon of myself.. do watever it takes to be happy.. one of my close friend once said my smile is so sarcastic cos i used to smile for everythin or i never smile.. my comments on anythin were always reserved. one could hardly judge wat s going in my mind. u wont believ if i say i love to love and play 24hrs a day.. there wasn't anythin so important in my life.. i never desired anythin with so much passion... i am cool living a day filled with love and happiness.. no ambitions.. no future plans.. nothing.. i used to miss my loved ones.. i used to be possessive.. then was wit a conclusion tat those who doesn need me, i don need them for any sake.. but this only added fuel to the misery.. ego took possession of this mediocre mind..
last eight months were so damn miserable.. i don want to write anythin tat s so miserable but there is somethin more important tat i wanna share.. the way i'm stickin my broken pieces... and again not any effort of my mind to live happy.. i should call it a coincidence (cos i don believe in fate..). i started reading Osho's writings... man!! simply mind blowing.. and i call it mind blowing cos tat is exactly wat we should do.. " blow the mind. " i realised tat i gotta live a life with a heart and not frm the mind... i cant really express the transformation im going thro.. i insist u all should try to know urself rather than anythin.. don postpone ur spirituality to ur older ages.. if u got it this is the time... cos i feel when u gain such awareness about urself then facing any difficulty wont be so difficult. trust me.. i havent dropped my mediocre mind yet.. but now im conscious that this mind is mediocre. im aware tat im vulnerable to the past.. i got a way tat im confident tat i can drop it... meditation is the way i found.. im not sure if i could make u believ this s a possibility but Mr Osho simply could.. please read as much of his writings as u could and try to bring meditation into practice.. life will be beautiful.. this very existence will be in a harmony watever the situation is in ur life.. u ll never be lost again..
life is beautiful..
this moment is so beautiful..
love u all..
Karthik Vasan B
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