Mother DNA

When nothing seems interesting and each day seems a total failure; living a lifeless life; when everybody seem so untrue and egoistic; when I feel I have nothing to share or in other words not willing to share my life; when I feel the shallowness in my eyes; when I feel I can’t control myself for unreal temptations; when I feel I m lost; when I feel egoistic; when I feel possessive; when I feel the unquenchable desires burning my life; when I m still adding to the ego of the ‘ I ‘ each day; and when I feel so cold blooded, spiritless and soulless about the this life; I ask myself, “ where are you getting strength to pull yourselves up and believe that you can be on top of your life?”

On the other hand I m not all that bad. I m a little artistic. I  seem to enjoy light moments. I enjoy the sun the moon the water the green the birds the heat the cold the morning the night the dusk the dawn the noise the silence the roads the mountains the music the walk the sleep the food the companionship the aloneness the work the books and the good part of everything. Yet while enjoying, a big part of myself seem missing the moment and keeps wandering elsewhere because these things don’t make me feel my-self or rather I can even say this isn't the special me which motivates life, that is to live one more day.

I would be just another bummer of this generation. I would be so weak. Easily moved. Shallow. Pathetic. Mean. Narcissistic. Just blood and bones. May be I m but there is something in me that deeply hates me for all these. There is something in me that is a rebel against the evil and just won’t give up. There is something in me that cry when someone else is hurt. There is something in me that make me feel someone else’s pain. There is something in me that makes me extend my hand to help someone first. There is something in me that make me give up something dear just to see someone else smile. There is something in me that make me feel so embarrassed when I waste someone else’s time. There is something in me that make me move towards the center of myself. I have been looking at my mom from childhood and all these something is just a fraction of her goodness. I realized I would have been a cold blooded beast if I hadn't had her DNA in my blood. May be each living thing is unique in this world and existence and I m unique in my own way but I, now realize the special part in me, that keeps me moving. If at all I still stand to live one more day after each day I lose to the devil inside me, it is this God; this DNA of my mom which runs through my blood gives me strength and makes me move ahead. May be my life has been meaningless and may continue this way for days to come. But the fire, the burning truth of my life will add a meaning at some point eventually. I whole heartedly believe I can’t be here without the love of my dad.

Live every moment.

Love

Karthik Vasan B